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well to really, i think he was just being honest. I don't consider myself to be a judemental or superficial person, because i am a real insecure person. even though, i can still admit that i would find it a turn off also if i were in his position, but that doesnt necessarily mean im a bad person, or have no feelings for my partner anymore. its just honesty. you cant help the way you feel.

the most important thing is to not put them down or make any comment on her weight because as a girl, i can tell you that there is no way you can say it in a nice way. even if you are trying to be encouraging it will still come out wrong.

you may feel helpless because of this but trust me, even if she doesnt say anything, she is trying to lose the weight, especially if she comments on her own appearance, so all you gotta do is treat her with respect and not make crude comments on her weight gain.

despite all this there are some real jerks out there who only care about looks, even though they are no prize themselves so if you are one of these ppl, forget everything i just said. u are a jerk.
OK, what attracts ANYONE to a different person right off the bat? Their appearance. Yes, there are different instances where that isn't the case (like internet or phone relationships etc,) but in regular life, you are first attracted to a person by their looks. It's the fact of life. Therefore, appearance is a crucial part in the role of a relationship, and you know what, I don't think that's always such a bad thing. For example, I get turned on by my BF much more when he's in a suit than when he's in work clothes. Or I get turned off when he looks like he hasn't seen a bathroom for a month. Being somewhat concerned with your appearance is good; it encourages you to present yourself in a decent way.

Anyway, what I am trying to say, is that it is completely normal for anyone to not be so attracted to someone when they begin to gain weight, or look less appealing in any other way. Weight in our society is seen as ugly. That's what media tells us, that's what we see in schools and that's what we hear with friends and family. That impression is set into us everywhere we go. Like it or not.

No one here has any right to say that he can't ever love someone if he begins to feel less attracted to them because they aren't as visually appealing as they once were. That's a lie. Anyone could still be in love with the person their with, but just be less attracted to them due to that extra roll on the side, or because they smell like rotten eggs. It's happened many times to many people. They might not think their loved one is as hot as they once did, but that doesn't mean their love is broken.

I think many of you owe this boy an apology. He was being honest and telling it like it really is. In most cases, that's what will happen to anyone when their BF/GF starts to change for the worse. At least he didn't say he was going to dump her for looking the way she does. He was brave to admit how he felt, and to ask for help in what to do with his new feelings.

Although I think his feelings are valid and fair, I do not think that at their age he should be letting her know about her weight gain, and it's affects on his attraction to her. She is young and impressionable, and does not need to hear something negative about her representation to the world. These poor teen girls are constantly reminded of what the 'ideal' look is. It is already very difficult to realize and accept that what these models look like is not normal, and no average Sally looks the way models do.

[This message has been edited by Theresa15 (edited 03-23-2003).]





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