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Wow! You just described my EXACT situation! My bf and I also live in different cities and on weekend nights that I wouldn’t hang out with him, I’d hang out with some friends, but I’d always be thinking, “oh, he’s probably on a date with some hott chick… I bet he doesn’t even know I exist.”

We started going out not too long ago… I’m not quite too sure who made the first move! Haha! My bf is such a dork, because he knows he can get any girl he wants, but when it comes to being around someone he likes, he turns into this super shy guy. I know this sounds really lame, but we’ve had each other’s phone numbers for the past hmmm… two years, and he NEVER called me once! (I called maybe two or three times). He did, however, send me text messages, a LOT of them. It was so frustrating because he’d ask things that would require a lot of detail, and sometimes I would just call him, and he would be caught off guard and he would get nervous and would try to end the conversation as soon as possible… I remember our first conversation lasted about 30 seconds!

Last weekend, he asked me if I wanted to do something so I agreed. When he called, I was on my way to drop something off for a school project (btw, I’m 17) and so I told him that I’d love too, only if he doesn’t mind coming with me to drop it off. (It was only going to take 2 seconds and it was on our way to where we were going). So, I ended up taking my car, and on the way back home (1 hour long drive since we live very far away) I got a call from a friend, and he overheard some of the things I said, so when I hung up, we started talking about the friend who called (who I went to Homecoming and last year’s Prom with). He asked me if I was interested in him, and I told him that I wasn’t and jokingly asked him if he was jealous. He said he wasn’t, but he stuttered over his words, so I knew he was lying so I said, “uh huh… right… I believe you.” Then he ended up saying, “okay, maybe a little bit,” and then I basically knew that he liked me and we started going out.

I definitely know what you mean about scaring him off. My friend really liked this one guy and got to be really good friends with him. One day, she decided to tell him that she liked him, and when she did, he responded, “I have to pick up my brother at soccer practice,” and ran away! (btw his bro’s practice was at 6 and it was only 4!) Haha, and now they’ve been going out for almost two years!

I completely understand how you’re feeling. I’ve known my bf for almost two years before going out, and he was NEVER shy around girls… haha… in fact… every time we went somewhere there would be like 2 or 3 girls giving him their numbers! Don’t let that intimidate you- the first thing my bf does when he gets home is empty his pockets and throws the numbers away… I’m not even kidding! You would think he would give a few of them a call since a lot of the girls were really attractive, but I guess he was too shy!! :) That’s what is so hard about liking someone who doesn’t live that close to you, you never know when they’re going to come up to you and say, "oh this is my new gf Jill (or something)"

I used to have the same feeling as well. I used to get SO FRUSTRATED because sometimes I’d swear that he liked me, and sometimes I had no clue if he even liked me as a friend. What really helped me with that is I know a few people that know him, and they all said that he liked me. Of course, I didn’t believe them, so one day I sat down and made a list of things that show that he likes me and things that he doesn’t like me… that really opened my eyes. Over the course of those two years, I questioned a lot if I even liked the guy or not because we would hang out a lot, but nothing would ever happen.

As for being afraid of ruining your friendship, that is completely normal, I felt the same way. I know this sounds lame, but if the guy really cares about you, but doesn’t like you in that way, he shouldn’t stop being your friend because you do like him. I think you should say something, but if you’re too shy (like I was! It took me 3 months to be able to say hi to the guy! :)), I would drop “hints”. I think the most important step is to gauge his reaction… if you’re 95% sure that he likes you, go for it. Be careful though, timing is everything… make sure he’s looking for a girlfriend before you tell him how you feel. Good luck, and if you have any more questions, definitely let me know! Good luck! :)

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