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I need some advice!
I went out with this guy a few times last year but nothing happened. He was really into me but I wanted to get to know him better. Then when i started to have feelings for him, he started dating this girl (talk about bad timing). And they broke up a few months ago. He and I have been hanging out every couple of weeks (we go to different schools, so we meet up on weekends). And we talk online and on the phone a few times a week. We hung out a few weeks ago and I stupidly asked him if he liked me and he didn't know what to say and then he was like "well i like you as a good friend. but I don't want a serious relationship right now." And things were going well that night (we went to dinner and then dancing) and I think I killed things with that. I don't think he's over his ex yet and he always makes comments like "oh that girl is hot" but he also hugs me a lot and flirts with me. And I'm SO confused. I asked him if he wanted to hang out sometime soon and he was all like "yeah after finals." which I don't think is a good sign. Finals end in like 3 weeks. And this is driving me crazy. I can't tell if he likes me or not. And some days I don't even know if I like him or not.

Any advice? Thanks!!


To make a long story short, after over a year of hanging out on weekends, we just started going out. It sounds like this guy is a little shy around girls, and if you don’t think the guy is over his ex, I would give him his space. So many girls liked the guy I liked, and he would like them back, but they would completely suffocate the guy and he never went out with any of them because of it. If you know the guy likes you, but says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, the only thing you can do is either forget about him, or just be there for him… he’ll let you know if he’s ready. Good luck! :)[/QUOTE]

Thanks so much for your response! How did you just start going out? Who made the first move? People keep telling me I should just tell him I like him, but I think that might scare him off. He told me he still has feelings for his ex and that it ended badly. When we went out initially he didn't seem shy aorund girls at all - he was flirting with me a lot, but he never actually tried anything. Maybe he's just a flirt! I'm scared tho that if I just stick around, sooner or later,again I'll run into him and he'll be like "oh this is my new gf ----" That's what happened before. And before he had told me he liked me. But we hadn't seen each other for a few months and then he started seeing her.

what drives me crazy is that sometimes I'm SO sure I like him and sometimes I really have no clue. And I'm scared that if I say something, it's going to kill our friendship. Like, if every time I hug him, he'll be thinking "OMG she wants me" and I know I'd get jealous if he were to see someone else.

i'm not even sure how attracted I am to him bec nothing has ever happened between us - but we do get along really well.

So I guess my question is, if I do say something, is it most likely going to ruin our friendship or make things really weird between us? It's not like I'd have to deal with him on a daily basis tho, so I guess if things got weird, I could just not hang out with him for a while.

Thanks :)
Wow! You just described my EXACT situation! My bf and I also live in different cities and on weekend nights that I wouldn’t hang out with him, I’d hang out with some friends, but I’d always be thinking, “oh, he’s probably on a date with some hott chick… I bet he doesn’t even know I exist.”

We started going out not too long ago… I’m not quite too sure who made the first move! Haha! My bf is such a dork, because he knows he can get any girl he wants, but when it comes to being around someone he likes, he turns into this super shy guy. I know this sounds really lame, but we’ve had each other’s phone numbers for the past hmmm… two years, and he NEVER called me once! (I called maybe two or three times). He did, however, send me text messages, a LOT of them. It was so frustrating because he’d ask things that would require a lot of detail, and sometimes I would just call him, and he would be caught off guard and he would get nervous and would try to end the conversation as soon as possible… I remember our first conversation lasted about 30 seconds!

Last weekend, he asked me if I wanted to do something so I agreed. When he called, I was on my way to drop something off for a school project (btw, I’m 17) and so I told him that I’d love too, only if he doesn’t mind coming with me to drop it off. (It was only going to take 2 seconds and it was on our way to where we were going). So, I ended up taking my car, and on the way back home (1 hour long drive since we live very far away) I got a call from a friend, and he overheard some of the things I said, so when I hung up, we started talking about the friend who called (who I went to Homecoming and last year’s Prom with). He asked me if I was interested in him, and I told him that I wasn’t and jokingly asked him if he was jealous. He said he wasn’t, but he stuttered over his words, so I knew he was lying so I said, “uh huh… right… I believe you.” Then he ended up saying, “okay, maybe a little bit,” and then I basically knew that he liked me and we started going out.

I definitely know what you mean about scaring him off. My friend really liked this one guy and got to be really good friends with him. One day, she decided to tell him that she liked him, and when she did, he responded, “I have to pick up my brother at soccer practice,” and ran away! (btw his bro’s practice was at 6 and it was only 4!) Haha, and now they’ve been going out for almost two years!

I completely understand how you’re feeling. I’ve known my bf for almost two years before going out, and he was NEVER shy around girls… haha… in fact… every time we went somewhere there would be like 2 or 3 girls giving him their numbers! Don’t let that intimidate you- the first thing my bf does when he gets home is empty his pockets and throws the numbers away… I’m not even kidding! You would think he would give a few of them a call since a lot of the girls were really attractive, but I guess he was too shy!! :) That’s what is so hard about liking someone who doesn’t live that close to you, you never know when they’re going to come up to you and say, "oh this is my new gf Jill (or something)"

I used to have the same feeling as well. I used to get SO FRUSTRATED because sometimes I’d swear that he liked me, and sometimes I had no clue if he even liked me as a friend. What really helped me with that is I know a few people that know him, and they all said that he liked me. Of course, I didn’t believe them, so one day I sat down and made a list of things that show that he likes me and things that he doesn’t like me… that really opened my eyes. Over the course of those two years, I questioned a lot if I even liked the guy or not because we would hang out a lot, but nothing would ever happen.

As for being afraid of ruining your friendship, that is completely normal, I felt the same way. I know this sounds lame, but if the guy really cares about you, but doesn’t like you in that way, he shouldn’t stop being your friend because you do like him. I think you should say something, but if you’re too shy (like I was! It took me 3 months to be able to say hi to the guy! :)), I would drop “hints”. I think the most important step is to gauge his reaction… if you’re 95% sure that he likes you, go for it. Be careful though, timing is everything… make sure he’s looking for a girlfriend before you tell him how you feel. Good luck, and if you have any more questions, definitely let me know! Good luck! :)

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