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Board Index > Teen Health | 0-9 A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

hello everyone. i have been going out with a girl for just over 6 months now, and we are both freshman in high school. in 6th grade, i was one of those guys she thot was so hot, and she wasnt very good looking then(not to be mean, im just a straight forward guy), and she was sort of obsessed with me, but not to the extent of a stalker. in 7th grade we never talked or anything, and in 8th grade nothing really happened until about halfway thru the year. my friend gave her my screen name and we started talking. she was going out with one of my friends, but not a good friend or anything. they had been going out off and on since late 7th grade, and she said she liked him very much. i didnt have any feelings for her and i was cool with it. eventually, she got tired of his BS(he was all over her in school, did stuff she asked him to stop, nothing big, just little things) and dumped him. she said she liked me now, and i still didnt really like her, we were just friends. i told her she was free to go out with other guys because i didnt want to lead her on or anything like that. well, just after school got out, i decided, what the hell, and asked her out. i love her more than anything in the world and i dont know why i didnt ask her out sooner. i asked her what the worst thing she had done(we played 20 questions, it was just our thing i guess when we started talking) and she said one time at a party she was going out with a guy she didnt really like, she just felt bad(one of those really nice girls that feels bad for everyone, u kno what im sayin?), and she made out with another guy at the party(her boyfriend off and on, named Gary). anyway, over the summer, she went swimming in a pond behind her house, secluded by woods, with 2 of her girlfriends and 2 other guys. no big deal, i didnt care, i was with a friend at the time at his house because my parents were out of town. when i was talking to her online, she told me she skinny dipped with them, but they were on the other side of the pond. ive seen the pond, and its a decent size, but its not that big. i got mad, but i let it slide. my friend was there when we were talking and told me i should dump her. her best friend, natalie, always thinks i overreact. maybe so, but you dont get naked in a pond with other guys, especially when im not one of them.

now, heres where i need your help. this is pretty much my first real girlfriend, and i worry about other guys and stuff like that. call me jealous, i guess, because thats basically what i am. maybe part of it is my lack of relationships in middle school, but i didnt really care then about girlfriends, i liked being single. i constantly worry shell cheat on me, even tho i know she wont because she loves it, yet because shes done it before so my mind tells me shed do it again. my mind is an ulterior motive mind, my mom tells me that all the time. i also worry some other guy will come along like i did with her and gary, and break us apart. i dont like to think im controlling, because i dont care if she talks to other guys or anything like that. how can i, if i talk to girls? itd be very hypocritical of me. however, the one guy i dont like her talking to is gary. i guess its like a lot of guys, they just dont like girls talking to their exes. today, for example, i saw her coming down the hallway laughing with gary, which really ticked me off. i asked what they were talking about and she told me, and after that we headed out to the buses; i was kind of giving her a cold shoulder you could say. another thing that bugs me is when guys touch her, i dont know why, it just does, but i suppose this is normal. ive talked to my mom about it, because shes one of the moms i can talk to about this stuff, and she said its normal. one of her friends, larry, is one of the brotherly types. hes a great guy, and im good friends with him. i just worry about him, because theyre such good friends(close to what we are, except not like that), and i see em talking all the time. that doesnt bother me, but earlier this school year he came up to her ALL the time and put his arm around her shoulder. bad combo, touching her and one of the guys im just worried about. i read some article online that says if you think a guy likes your girl/vice versa, youre probably rite. katies(my girlfriend) best friend, natalie, says he doesnt like her/wouldnt like her even if we werent going out, and that kind of eased my worry. she says she wont find anyone else she likes as much as me(we both love each other to death), but no one can really know that. i guess its like religion, youve just gotta have faith she wont cheat on me/find someone else. i just worry because i dont wanna lose her.

alrite, sorry that was so long, heres the help i need from you guys:
1)do you think the pond thing was cheating?
2)do i worry too much/get over jealous?
3)anything else you think i need to work on?
Well, my first inclined comment was to note that you are very young - but that's not really what you need to hear about right now. Our hearts feel what they feel, even if we are too young to really get the whole picture.

Graned, I'm only 22 years old, however I can say with utmost certainty that I would be extremely pissed off if I found out my boyfriend was skinny dipping with other women (especially without me around) while we were dating. In fact, he'd probably be gone. That's inappropriate behavior as far as I'm concerned, you don't just 'hang out' naked with mixed company when you're in a relationship unless you're both into some kind of nudist camp.

But seriously, as a side note - this is your first relationship, while the odds are it won't be a life-long thing that's no reason not to try and discuss this with her openly and begin learning the hard lessons we're all forced to in life. There will be many girls and many shitty situations, but you never know when the right one will pop in unexpectedly - but I think it's pretty early for both of you to be in a spot unable to explore yourselves. I dated a great deal in Middle school and high school and look back on those days as almost humorous when I considered the 'feelings' I thought I had. Kind of weird actually ... at the very least, I learnd plenty of lessons along the way!

Good luck with the situation, if it were me she'd be in deep trouble or possibly out of the picture.
Unfortunately using 'no self control/giving in easily' isn't reason for a good excuse - because it is an excuse. With some practice and patience that can be fixed if someone respects themself enough.

I can definitely understand your concerns if she falls into things that easily... but she's still (and so is everyone at this age... I'm STILL figuring it all out.. probably for several years to come) at an age where she doesn't really know who she is or what she's comfortable. She's probably curious about different things in life and doesn't necessarily WANT to say NO to trying new things.

While that's less acceptable when you get older - and never acceptable when in a relationship, it's really hard to be harsh about it when someone's just starting highschool. It's sort of a turning point in life, you learn a lot about yourself and the world around you that you maybe didn't get exposed to so much before.

Mistakes happen at all ages... if you trust her, good luck - just let her know you won't accept 'they pressured me into it!' as an excuse for inappropriate behavior. If she had to be pushed into it that means she knew it was wrong but did it anyway - that's not good for her or you. If you want to be with this girl you might want to help her find her own voice to be her own person :)

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