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It first started when I was dating a guy, who was 4 years older than myself. I am a junior in high school, so yes, he was already graduated. We had lots of problems, such as he did things that I didnt really like.. etc.. but also I had a few problems myself. I am a VERY independant person and I like things done my way, and I don't open myself up completely to others or allow them to control me or intrude. So that caused some problems in our relationship because I didnt get very close. After 5 months, I got a job, and met a guy that I really liked. Since my ex and I were having problems, I ended up dumping him, for one reason, because I had other feelings, and for two, it just wasnt working out. I did not do anything with this other guy UNTIL the situation with my ex was solved. I did tell my ex a couple times before about a guy at work liking me, and that he called me a couple times. Although he did not know that I had feelings for him. Until now. After I told him, he told me NOT to go out with him no matter what, even if we werent going out.. because he does not go to the same church as I do, or believe what I do.. or live for god etc. Like it says in 2 Cor 6:14 to not be unequally yolked with unbelievers.

Since I said that I will have to explain, god is a major part in my like and my family's and my ex's.. I ended up telling myself I will not go any further with this guy since he could take me away from the one whom I truly love, and that is god. He does not go to church. I was told going out with him can put my soul in danger. So I talked to my mom, and she said the same thing, that she does not really want me to pursue this relationship for that reason. But It is my choice, and I have to make it.

I ended up telling this guy that I liked him BEFORE I talked to my mom and I then made the choice afterwards that I should not pursue it because of the baggage I would have to carry if I did. So how was I going to tell him that I REALLY CARE about him, but that i couldn't date him because he doesnt believe and my parents dont approve? (Just to let you know this guy is Super sensitive and goes to a couselor) I did tell him that I could not date a guy who does not truly believe and does not go to my church, because of the possibilty of myself falling away from god. But he did not quite understand, which is understandable, and the subject just sort of dropped. After 1-2 months of putting him on hold, he wanted to know whether or not I would date him. I told him that even though I have feelings, that I probably should and I would much rather stay friends, and that I did not want to lose him altogether if I dated him and it did not work out. Well, being sensitive that he is, I made him cry, and told me that I was so special, smart, funny, beautiful, etc and that he will not be able to say that again so he just let his heart out. I literally melted and wanted to take him back. So a couple days later he asked me whether I felt I made the right choice, and I ended up saying no.. and that I MIGHT change my mind. (Back to square one, way to go me) Well, feeling terrible that I did and having a hard time seeing someone I care about being hurt I gave in just after I told him I wasnt going to change my mind and be more than friends, and decided I should give him the chance.

So.. now the story goes that I got the FLU the next day. Had it for about a week and I had time to think about the choice I made. He kept checking up on me and seeing how I was doing but that was it. Later, we ended up hugging and he bought me some flowers. On New Year's Eve he came over after work and told me he wanted to kiss me. I felt very heavy, and awkward that I ended up telling him that before it goes anything further I needed to tell him that was the way I felt and that I didnt think I could carry that burden. Ok, so that was real nice of me on new years eve, and I brought everything back to the way they were. WHY AM I DOING THIS?? Last night I felt the load come off.. now today I feel terrible, I miss him terribly and I want him back but I know if I go back I will have that heavy load again.

I can't keep boucing back and forth from my decisions like this, and doing it to him. Its just my heart says one thing and my mind says another. I need help and input on another person's perspective!! I feel like a terrible person and is there any way I can fix this??
Hello,

As a Christian and someone who has worked with youth for a very long time, I think I can be of some assitance here.

I agree, first of all, with the response that this guy does not necessarily have to attend the same church as you. The key questions is ... Is he a Christian? And I do not mean in name only, I mean .. is his heart on fire for God? If the answer is no .. then move on. You are young, but now perhaps are beginning to learn that the truth sometimes hurts people .. even those we care about. Maybe he does not understand and maybe it will hurt him, but the fact is, it is better that he be hurt with your honestly than led on to some future inevitable hurt in the longrun for probably the both of you. It is never fun to hurt someone, but there are times in life where it is necessary and even noble. Remember, while he does not undersand now and you are a little in the dark as well, you do not know what God's plan is for either of your lives. There will always come a time where things that were once misunderstood become clear and you end up thanking God for even the hard parts of your life. Believe me, I have many of those occasions as well.

I do want to warn you about one thing: There will be a lot of temptation on your part to lower your standards as to what defines a Christian. DO NOT DO SO! I can not emphasize that enough. Also, there will be a temptation on his part to maybe come to church as an attempt to impress you. In that case, neither you or him will ever be really sure if his new-found faith is genuine. He must come to God himself. Not to say that you can not share the gospel with him, but his decision must be made for his own interests, not for interests that involve you. That is another lesson I learned the hard way.

Either way ... you are in danger of backsliding or falling in a relationship with him, but you are not in danger of losing your soul. Once you give your life to Jesus, you can never fall too far or too hard for him to pick you back up again. His hand is always outstretched ... we just need to humble ourselves and reach out for it.

- Ben





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