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hi, my boyfriend and i just recently started dating and we have made all these plans together like going to night school and working together. hes in jail right now because he got into a fight with his dad. and yesterday his mom called my mom and told her that my boyfriends ex-girlfriend is pregnant and i cant talk to him because the collect calls from jail are to expensive. so i wrote him a few letters. he gets out in about a week. a day before he went to jail he asked me if id break up with someone if they get someone else pregnant before we got together. and i said no. im not breaking up with him. i just am really upset right now. i feel like crying and i need advice on how to cope with this.
2 Many red flags here.

Let him resolve this issue, get out of jail, get his life back together, and finish school. Your main concern should be going back to school and not worrying about him. I understand that you may have feelings for him but take a look in reality. Do want a guy that goes to jail and beats on his family?


How old are you may I ask.
his dad is an alcoholic and beats on him so the other day finally he got sick of it and hit his dad back. and im 17 going on 18 in 5 months hes 17 too. im not breaking up with him i just want to know how to deal with the other girl when the baby is born?
[QUOTE=somuchbetter]his dad is an alcoholic and beats on him so the other day finally he got sick of it and hit his dad beat dad back. and im 17 going on 18 in 5 months hes 17 too.[/QUOTE]


'I dont want to sound harsh but you are 17 and if you dont get ahold of your life now then I garentee that you will regret it down the road.
I would have to agree with eightball. He obviously has some issues. Whether or not his father provoked it, that type of violence could be turned on you someday.
Jeff you are very smart but I tend to dissagree with you on this issue. At seventeen noone can really get a hold on there life. I think that at seventeen if life is hard than it is even harder to get a hold on it. Just because you don't get a hold on life at a young age doesn't mean that you will never have a hold on life. I mean who really ever has a hold on life. Also sometimes everyone loses their cool and does something they regret. I have but that doesn't mean I am abusive. When I was hit as a child I finally had enough and beat the crap out of this guy my mom was with. So I know that it is possible to lose it once or twice and still not be considered abusive. Anyways, this is just my opinion. Somuchbetter, do what you think is right cause in the end it will be your decision. and you will have to live with it either way. I am sorry life is so hard for you right now. Hang in here and I am always here for support.

Sunnie:)
jeepbabe, I agree with what you say and none of us really do get a hold of our lives but she can try to go back on the right track. I am guessing she dropped out since they agreed to do night school together. Its shouldn't take an agreement to go. She needs to get this done or else she will regret not finishing when she is 30.
I do agree with that. 100% :)
If you want to be barefoot, pregnant, black & blue just stay with the guy.

You will not listen to good advice.

Good luck, you'll need it.
Wow that was seriously negative. She was asking for support and for someone to cheer her up. She has made her decision about whether she will stay with him she is just sad. We should not make it worse. And she never said she wouldn't any advice. She hasn't replied since her second post. I'm sorry but that was just an over dramatic way of putting something when you don't even know the whole story. Lets all try to be a little more supportive like the author of this post asked. This is just my opinion I am not trying to start a war.

Sunnie:)
Somuchbetter,

As far at the whole dealing with the other girl being pregnant I suggest you be supportive however you can without getting involved. Leave it between the two of them unless asked for help. Even then it is iffy on whether you should get involved. You are a little young to think about marriage yet so don't get to committed to the situation. If at some point in the far future you decide to get married than you can get more involved. He can't change what he did in his past so don't hold it against him. This has been a long and hard lesson for me to learn with my boyfriend but I am getting there and it is the best advice I can give. If you have any questions please post anytime.

Sunnie:)
two words.....

DUMP HIM!!!

you can do much better with someone else!!
interesting.......
just a question, if his father was drunk and beating on him than why did his father not go to jail? you don't go to jail for defending yourself against a violent drunk person. I think there is more to that story.
That being said...if you want to stay with him and support him, than there is nothing you should do, allow him to have a relationship with his child, it really isn't any of your business other than the fact that you are with him..since your only dating him and not married or anything there is nothing you need to do other than to support him in seeing his child and working so he can help support his child. Also, the fact that he asked you if you'd break up with someone if you knew they got someone else pregnant says a lot, he knew that she was pregnant or knew there was a possibility that she was before he went to jail, so why'd you hear it from his mother and not him?
Either way, his track record shows that he's got some problems in his life, going to jail (what he says happened and what really happened could be 2 diff things, if it is what you say, defending himself against a drunk and violent father than why is he in jail and not his father), getting a girl pregnant (i know accidents happen, even with BC), and with a violent drunk for a father are you sure he is not goin to be like that? You may be in for a surprise when he gets out, a person who is in jail,lonely, and restricted in what they can do is much different than a person who is not....there may be a big change in his attitude when he gets out, be prepared for it.
Let's take a look at the finacial side to this.

If you were to marry this guy and he never attends night school nor graduates he is going to have it hard. There may be a chance he may et lucky and land a decent job but with stats thats a very low percentage. He will have to pay child support and if he works at a fast food chain that is a lot of money he will be losing out on and loss of income for your household. I am guessing you are not going back unless he does because you said that you both made an agreement that you both will go together. So with that said that means you may not have a great job either and low pay and lots of struggles.

I am not telling you to loose this guy but you can get a hold of you life in the mean time like going back to school and trying to work out your own issues and he works out his.
i found out the girl is not pregnant and is just saying that to try to get back with him. what a relief.
Yes...it's a relief and one less problem to be dealing with for you. Thank goodness for that!!!

Please....take things slow. We were all 17 once and at that age so vulnerable to love and hormones and feelings. And with those combinations we tend to not make very wise decisions. But we learn from our mistakes. Please love yourself enough to take care of yourself. Obviously this guy you have decided to stay with probably has had sex with his ex and could get you pregnant or transmit a STD. Take things slow...finish your education with or without him and realize he has issues to work out within himself in regards to abuse and anger before he can be truly ready to have a good relationship with another. Advise him to get some counseling to help him through this crazy spell in his life. Good luck...Goody





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