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I am a sophomore in high school. I have had 3 boyfriends my whole life. My first one was in 5th grade, it lasted until 6th grade. He was more of a best friend than anything. We didn't kiss or even hold hands. I don't think we ever even hung out outside of school. I was completely ok with that bcuz I'm quite a "goody good" (I guess you could say) when it comes to that kinda stuff (not to mention we were like 11). So after him was my first REAL boyfriend. If you check some of my older post you will see that most of them are about him. This boy and I dated for a year and a half. I loved him very much, not just puppy love, I really loved this boy. We spent a lot of time together and I was very happy with him. Everything we did was a first for both of us. We started dating at the end of 8th grade and we broke up at the beginning of 10th grade. So as you may assume, we did experiment some with some sexual things. I have never been sure (and really never thought about it until i had been dating him for a while) how long I would wait until having sex. I wouldn't say "I'm saving myself for marriage, no doubt about it, thats the way its gonna stay!" bcuz I don't know that for sure. But I have a VERY strong opinion about it. I have always had a love for children. They are my passion and frankly i feel thats why i was put on this earth, to help them or be involved with them. Anyways, i'm very much against abortion and i don't think people should take the chance of getting pregnant if they can't raise a child. Having said that, I [U]have[/U] decided not to have sex until I am 100% ready and completely in love with the guy, and prepared to raise a child if infact i do get pragnant. Which means, probably not while i'm in high school, as hard as that might be. Seeing as how this 2nd boy I dated was also a virgin, we didn't even discuss sex until we had been together for at least 8 months or so. I had straight up told him I wasn't ready and we weren't going to have sex for a long time(we planned to be together forever, like most first loves). He was ok with that bcuz we hadn't even messed around up to that point. During our relationship we did do pretty much everything except have sex. Sometimes he would talk about those things a little too much which made me think that he really wanted sex. I would get to the point where thats all I would think about. I would ask myself, "is he going to leave me if i don't sleep with him??". But we were really close, and able to talk about this stuff, so we would talk and he would assure me that he was not going to pressure me and some times even say that he wasn't ready yet either. So I guess that was not a BIG problem with him. Since him and I have split, I have been single for quite a while. It was very hard for me to see myself with a guy that had dated others before me. I always thought I'd never be able to do that, just bcuz I knew what all I did with my ex and I knew they would have similiar pasts. That discusted me and completely turned me away from them. I realized though that I couldn't be that way bcuz I myself had done those things and could not be selfish like that, and it would be VERY unlikely to find a guy in high school that had never been with another girl. So eventually I got over that and moved on. Recently I dated a Junior. It was my first time dating someone older than me and not only had he dated many other girls, I knew for a fact that he had slept with his most current ex. It really didn't bother me at all, bcuz I think I knew from the beginning that I wasn't going to be with this guy forever and sex would probably not be an issue. But boy was I wrong. Sex was brought into the conversation right from the start. He instantly began making comment and jokes about it, I guess to see where I stood. I didn't lower myself for him, I made it clear from the beginning that he would not be getting that from me. I have since broken up with that boy(not bcuz of that topic) but I now see that sex is going to be a huge part of every relationship I have in high school. I realize that most hs boys are horny all the time and when they see a pretty girl, or especially date one, they are going to bring it up and hope to get some. But that makes me not wanna date. I feel like a tease or something. I mean I tell them from the start that its NOT going to happen. And I don't have a problem messing around, i mean after i know them very very well (i'm not some 2 bit *****) but I don't want to have sex yet. Does that make me some goody good that needs to just get over it and do what everyone else is?? I wanna stand behind my beliefs, but if its going to push everyone away, I feel kinda dumb. Any advice would be nice. Sorry this is sooo long :yawn:
[QUOTE=givemeaname]ok, well im a boy, at the end of high school.

look dating boys is like walking through a minefield. but dont be fooled, were not all priks.

i have had quite afew girlfriends in my time, my ex was the one i lost my virginity with. but my current girlfriend, Katie, she is something i cant explain.

you will call me a dreamer but she is the only person out of many and many years of experience and heart pains that i can actually imagine settling down with and having children. with my last gf it was quite a sex heavy relationship.

with Katie, she is still a virgin but wants sex (she tells me but im always going to keep my eyes peeled incase she shows signs of not wanting it) yes i want sex, so do all/most boy, to telly ou the truth it has been a while since i got laid and its really bugging me. BUT im not going to rush katie into anyhting, i can hold on for her, and i wouldnt leave her if she trned around tomorrow and said she wasnt ready, (although last week we were about 1 min away from sex, we were both undressed, and then my dad rang to pick me up!!!! aarrgghh could have killed him)

but im with katie becasue i love her, ofcourse i would love sex with her but it isnt the most important thing here. she has glandular fever which im about to post about because we think it might be nearing ME. but on saturday we are all going to her best friends house to get pissed and have a party, there would not be many of us and yes some would say it is the perfect oppourtunity. but im afraid, you can get lost if you think im going to let katie loose her virginity when she is drunk, i want it to be a special experience for her.

i dont know wether im over reacting about this whole loosing virginity thing but i know some people feel it is a big thing, although katie says that she really wants it and dont care about the whole loosing her v plates thing, still i *** want her to be upset in alter life when she looks back and thinks about it.

so dont worry, if you find the right guy, and tell him that you arnt ready, and tell him your plans, but dont look down upon him, we guys hate that.


Hi guy,

You might want to start another thread (a new one) to get more people to see your post and respond, rather than limiting potential respondants to posters who are already reading someone else's thread. But anyway, to me it does sound like you are over-reacting a bit. If Katie says she wants to have sex and doesn't have any doubts about losing her virginity, then why should you be worried about it? Personally, I really don't think it's all that big a deal. Almost everyone has their own individual opinions about how significant losing one's virginity is and when it's appropriate to start having sex, but the only opinions that should really matter are yours and your partner's. It's a private decision, and only you know what feels right and what you are ready for at this particular time in your life. If you and your partner feel ready and want to go ahead, then you should, as long as you're responsible. If you're not quite sure, you should probably wait--even though it might not seem like it, especially to a teenage boy, there will always be another chance to have sex, and it's better to wait if you're not sure than do something before you are emotionally prepared and physically protected. I don't think any decisions about sex are inherently, morally superior to any others, as long as everyone involved is consenting and responsible. After all, just about everyone in the world has sex--it's perfectly natural and wonderful. People start at all different ages, depending on a ton of different factors, but as long as someone's first time is with a partner who they trust and care for and they have thought their decision all the way through, it is highly unlikely that their first time will be a permanently scarring, traumatizing experience.

And in regard to your particular situation, you really don't need to worry so much. After all, it's Katie's virginity and body, not yours, and it's up to her to decide when and if she wants to have sex with you. You are doing the right thing not pressuring her, but other than that, I don't see a reason for you to be concerned and/or preoccupied about this issue. If she does decide she wants to sleep with you, don't overthink it or worry too much, just make sure you are gentle and communicate with her about how she's feeling all throughout the encounter. If Katie wants to have sex--and yes, you are right to make sure it only happens when she is sober, just relax and try to ensure that you both enjoy it rather than worry that she'll regret it forever.

I think it's very sweet and admirable that you are considering a future with this girl--you are clearly not one of those teenagers who takes sex and relationships very lightly, which is a good thing. But also keep in mind that you are still very young, even though you feel that you've had "many and many years of experience and heart pains," and you don't have to make any serious decisions about your romantic future while you're still a teenager. Katie may or may not be the right girl for you in the long run, but only time will tell, and everything will work out for the best regardless. For the time being, though, enjoy being young, when everyone is single and experimenting, and don't feel as though everything has to be super serious. You don't have to find your future wife at 17 or have years and years before you have to worry about settling down. I'm not saying you shouldn't have relationships or that you haven't had relationship experience, just trying to remind you that you are still young enough to have the luxury of not taking dating and romance all that seriously yet. Why not just have fun and see what happens (of course, always try to be responsible and kind) rather than worrying and planning far into the future? If your relationship doesn't work out, move on and enjoy dating other girls rather than worrying that you have lost the one girl you were meant to marry and have children with. I hope this makes sense and comes out point is that while it's a good thing that you're serious about your future, you shouldn't let it get in the way of being young, carefree, and having a great time. Good luck and best wishes.

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