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Im gonna use my cousin's account here since he already has one. Im a 16 year old girl, and i know im attractive. I go to the gym and do alot of aerobics and Im confident in my looks. This year (10th grade) in highschool i had my first ever boyfriend. I liked him alot but never really felt he liked me back. But i was still attracted to him,and always tried to get his attention.But then it just went downhill. I found out he had been cheating on me. I nearly went mad. My self esteem went downhill,i gained about 3 pounds from eating. I began to wonder,im not fit for society, i must be terrible if he chose to cheat on me. My first ever love..cheated on me. I closed myself in my own world, neglected my friends, and just kept thinking why, its my fault he cheated on me. Well,im through that phase,back to full health but he still runs through my mind. We talk occasionally and i still like him alot..he talks to me normally now,not like before where he used to say things that made me feel good. We just talk..like nothing,but i still like him so much. It hurts,becuase i know something is missing forever now that we cant replace. I met this other guy. Hes extremely handsome and he works out too,so i feel like i know him alot already. We talk every other day but he makes me feel so good. He teases me with humor and makes me laugh and isnt afraid to say something that i have is ugly,or i look bad in a picture. Hes a bit arrogant,but i like to think of it as charming. Im mesmerized by him, he's his own man. I hope all you ladies know what i mean =(. He just does his own stuff when he wants to and i find it amazing. Here is my problem. Ever since my ex cheated on me and broke up i have felt afraid of relationships again. I miss them so much, and this guy (the one im mesmerized by) is so wonderful..i like him alot. Im just afraid of getting into a relationship and then watch it crumble becuase of some stupid mistake. My ex is still on my mind,i still like him alot..but this new guy is incredible. What should i do,i really dont know. I flirt alot with him but im just afraid to take it to the next level. Please, leave what you think. --Linda--
[QUOTE=Red-M&M]Im gonna use my cousin's account here since he already has one. Im a 16 year old girl, and i know im attractive. I go to the gym and do alot of aerobics and Im confident in my looks. This year (10th grade) in highschool i had my first ever boyfriend. I liked him alot but never really felt he liked me back. But i was still attracted to him,and always tried to get his attention.But then it just went downhill. I found out he had been cheating on me. I nearly went mad. My self esteem went downhill,i gained about 3 pounds from eating. I began to wonder,im not fit for society, i must be terrible if he chose to cheat on me. My first ever love..cheated on me. I closed myself in my own world, neglected my friends, and just kept thinking why, its my fault he cheated on me. Well,im through that phase,back to full health but he still runs through my mind. We talk occasionally and i still like him alot..he talks to me normally now,not like before where he used to say things that made me feel good. We just talk..like nothing,but i still like him so much. It hurts,becuase i know something is missing forever now that we cant replace. I met this other guy. Hes extremely handsome and he works out too,so i feel like i know him alot already. We talk every other day but he makes me feel so good. He teases me with humor and makes me laugh and isnt afraid to say something that i have is ugly,or i look bad in a picture. Hes a bit arrogant,but i like to think of it as charming. Im mesmerized by him, he's his own man. I hope all you ladies know what i mean =(. He just does his own stuff when he wants to and i find it amazing. Here is my problem. Ever since my ex cheated on me and broke up i have felt afraid of relationships again. I miss them so much, and this guy (the one im mesmerized by) is so wonderful..i like him alot. Im just afraid of getting into a relationship and then watch it crumble becuase of some stupid mistake. My ex is still on my mind,i still like him alot..but this new guy is incredible. What should i do,i really dont know. I flirt alot with him but im just afraid to take it to the next level. Please, leave what you think. --Linda--[/QUOTE]

First, you must stop taking all the blame for how your ex treated you. Remember, there is never a good excuse to cheat on someone. He is simply a person with very little respect, conscience or sensitivity. He didn't cheat because you "weren't good enough." He cheated because that's just the kind of person he is. Remember that.

Now, about this new guy. I hear a couple of things that worry me. When you say "he's not afraid to tell you if something you have is ugly", I'm assuming like a purse or an article of clothing or something, or when you look bad in a picture. I'd like to hear more about this. Sometimes people use "honestly" as just an excuse to be verbally abusive as a means of chipping away at someone's self esteem. People do this when they are insecure, and they think making someone feel bad about themselves will make them feel better. I think you need to be wary of a boy who would say something like "OMG, that sure is an ugly blouse/purse/ earrings. Where did you get THAT?! HAHAHAH!" I want to make sure you're not getting mixed up with a boy who's doing this to you. Please tell us more about this kind of thing and more about how this new guy treats you. You sound like you're feeling pretty down about yourself now. I think you need to work on building up your self esteem before you jump into a new thing with another boy. You need to feel stronger and more confident so that you won't allow another boy to mistreat you the way your ex did, and so you won't swallow all the blame like you've been doing. Talk to us, what's going on?
This is to the author of the topic...girl, I know it can be hard to get over a guy, especially when they had hurt you and you still love them. It's so difficult. But I'm glad to hear that you're beginning to wean away from old, painful memories by feeling like this toward this new guy. I know a lot of others who have replied have said it, but I'll say it too...follow your heart. Always give love a chance...while it can cause you great pain, love can also help to heal you and re-open your eyes. Even if this guy is not the "right one", love is a matter of trial and error...you can't EVER expect to find your true love on the first try (maybe the second try, though :D).

I know from experience...I thought I'd marry my first boyfriend and be with him forever, but then he became very possessive of me and caused me great pain as he tried to make me marry him. But after I learned to listen to and follow my heart, I ended up dating his best friend (who I met and became good friends with through my ex-boyfriend) and agreeing to only be a friend to my ex, and I'm happier now than I have been in a long long time.

Listen to what your heart tells you! It will take you far. Good luck to you as well.





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