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So there's this guy that I've been friends with for a little over a year. We've had our ups and downs for sure. We argue a lot and at times we've stopped talking for a few weeks.But lately we've gotten really close. See, he's always had a thing for me, but I never felt the same so he kinda brushed it off. Aside from the agrueing he truly is a great guy. And I guess lately I've started to realize this. So we've gotten more "friendly" with each other. The last few times we've hung out we've gotten very close, we even shared a few heavy kisses. So here's the thing, I don't think either of us want a relationship right now. I'm pretty happy with the way things are, just being "friends" i guess. But the biggest thing is that my family doesn't really like him. So I'm probably more afraid of becoming more b/c of what they might say. BTW we are in out late teens, so my parents still control what I do. My family doesn't know that I may have feelings for him and they def. don't know about the kissing. If they did, I probably wouldn't be allowed to hang out with him until they met him a few more times. But he is aware that they don't like him much, so he refuses to come over. He's very independent and doesn't change who he is for anyone. I like that about him, but I feel like if you does wanna be with me, he will change the things my parents don't like. I usually over-think things quite a bit. Im the type of girl that asks a thousand questions after something like this happens. I'm very surprised at myself that I haven't asked him, yet, where we're going with all this. When we're together we hold hands, and cuddles and what not. So it seems like we're moving towards a relationship, but I know that neither of us want that. So I could just leave things the way they are, but its only a matter of time before the wheel in my brain starts turning and I start to worry if he's using me for the kisses and stuff. However I am smart enough to take it NO further unless and untill we become more. I'm just afriad that if I try to talk to him about it and see where he stands, it'll cause a fight and mess things up! What should I do?
OK, first of all, let's get one thing straight. You say you don't want a relationship with this guy. That is not true. You DO want a relationship with him. Just admit that to yourself, it was really very clear from the way you wrote your post. However, I see that the only reason you wouldn't want a relationship is because of what your family might think.

So, what is going on here is that you want a relationship with someone your family would not approve of. Can I ask why your family doesn't like him? And, are you sure that you don't want to be with him only because to do so would be rebelling against your family? Sometimes we are most attracted to that which we cannot have.

You say he won't change for anyone, so that means that if you were going to have a relationship, you'd have to change your family's mind about him. Do you think if they got to know him better, this would be possible?

If so, perhaps you could pursue the relationship that way, by inviting him to do things with you and your family. You say he is not willing, but if he really likes you, then he'd want to do anything to make you happy. If he isn't willing to put in the effort, then you shouldn't be willing to put in any effort to please him.

Talking to boys about a relationship can make you come across as annoying. Boys (well, even men, this doesn't really go away...) usually don't like to talk about things like this. I think one thing you do need to make clear is if he is having these kissing sessions with anyone else. I also think you need to ask for the things that make you happy in a relationship --- like, do you want to go out on dates, bring him with to family things, etc... Relationships take work from both sides, and if he's not willing to do any work on his part, chances are, he is just enjoying the kissing/cuddling activites that you partake in together.
I will admit that this guy means a lot to me. However I truly can't say that I want a relationship with him, not now anyways. There are just things that kind of stand in the way of that right now. And I can't say I really want a boyfriend. I don't wanna make a commitment with someone, if I don't really want it, you know?! Its just not fair to that person. However, I don't exactly know what I want with him. I do know that I'm always afraid I'm going to say the wrong thing and make him mad. He often mistakes my sarcasm for being a smart-butt, and when he gets mad, he sometimes stops talking to me for a while. I hate that. Its quite childish I know. But I always watch what I say just to avoid that. Becuase when he's not around I miss him a ton. And I like the way things have been with us lately. I like it when he hold my hand so nonchalantly, it feels good. And I know he's wanted that for so long. It makes me feel good to make him happy.
Ok see the whole family thing started a little while ago. My brother works at a local store where he sees a lot of high school kids and hears a lot of drama. So he's heard some rumors about my friend and then made assumptions, which made my friend sound like this horrible guy. Well he told my parents this stuff before talking to me about it. Then of course my parents got very protective. I talked to my brother about it and explained that most of the rumors weren't true to begin with. But, being an older brother, he still decided to dislike this guy. That affects me a lot b/c my brother means a lot to me. And I hate it that he doens't like him. My parents brushed all that off for the most part, they just don't really like his friends, I guess. I dunno, I guess they just got a weird feeling about him or something. Keep in mind, none of them know I like him, or that we've gotten this clsoe. I made the mistake of telling him about what my brother heard. So know he thinks that my whole family totally hates him, and he WILL NOT come over here. I think it would change their minds a lot. But so far I haven't been able to get him to come over.
I really need to decide what I want from "us" before I start talking to him about it. I definitely want to know if he's like this with other girls, its just kind of weird to ask, you know?!


PS_For some recent news...We have been talking every day, at least once a day. But for the past 2 days he hasn't talked to me at all. Because I work all day, we usually talk through text messaging. He hasn't responded to any of mine. Hes not the type to get what he wants and run. I know that he cares about me and I completely worry about things TOO much. He's probably had something going on. I use that excuse for a lot of guys though. I mean, if they like me, they'll take a few minutes every day to see how I am..right? I need help guys!
I will admit that this guy means a lot to me. However I truly can't say that I want a relationship with him, not now anyways. There are just things that kind of stand in the way of that right now. And I can't say I really want a boyfriend. I don't wanna make a commitment with someone, if I don't really want it, you know?! Its just not fair to that person. However, I don't exactly know what I want with him. I do know that I'm always afraid I'm going to say the wrong thing and make him mad. He often mistakes my sarcasm for being a smart-butt, and when he gets mad, he sometimes stops talking to me for a while. I hate that. Its quite childish I know. But I always watch what I say just to avoid that. Becuase when he's not around I miss him a ton. And I like the way things have been with us lately. I like it when he hold my hand so nonchalantly, it feels good. And I know he's wanted that for so long. It makes me feel good to make him happy.
Ok see the whole family thing started a little while ago. My brother works at a local store where he sees a lot of high school kids and hears a lot of drama. So he's heard some rumors about my friend and then made assumptions, which made my friend sound like this horrible guy. Well he told my parents this stuff before talking to me about it. Then of course my parents got very protective. I talked to my brother about it and explained that most of the rumors weren't true to begin with. But, being an older brother, he still decided to dislike this guy. That affects me a lot b/c my brother means a lot to me. And I hate it that he doens't like him. My parents brushed all that off for the most part, they just don't really like his friends, I guess. I dunno, I guess they just got a weird feeling about him or something. Keep in mind, none of them know I like him, or that we've gotten this clsoe. I made the mistake of telling him about what my brother heard. So know he thinks that my whole family totally hates him, and he WILL NOT come over here. I think it would change their minds a lot. But so far I haven't been able to get him to come over.
I really need to decide what I want from "us" before I start talking to him about it. I definitely want to know if he's like this with other girls, its just kind of weird to ask, you know?!


PS_For some recent news...We have been talking every day, at least once a day. But for the past 2 days he hasn't talked to me at all. Because I work all day, we usually talk through text messaging. He hasn't responded to any of mine. Hes not the type to get what he wants and run. I know that he cares about me and I completely worry about things TOO much. He's probably had something going on. I use that excuse for a lot of guys though. I mean, if they like me, they'll take a few minutes every day to see how I am..right? I need help guys!
I will admit that this guy means a lot to me. However I truly can't say that I want a relationship with him, not now anyways. There are just things that kind of stand in the way of that right now. And I can't say I really want a boyfriend. I don't wanna make a commitment with someone, if I don't really want it, you know?! Its just not fair to that person. However, I don't exactly know what I want with him. I do know that I'm always afraid I'm going to say the wrong thing and make him mad. He often mistakes my sarcasm for being a smart-butt, and when he gets mad, he sometimes stops talking to me for a while. I hate that. Its quite childish I know. But I always watch what I say just to avoid that. Becuase when he's not around I miss him a ton. And I like the way things have been with us lately. I like it when he hold my hand so nonchalantly, it feels good. And I know he's wanted that for so long. It makes me feel good to make him happy.
Ok see the whole family thing started a little while ago. My brother works at a local store where he sees a lot of high school kids and hears a lot of drama. So he's heard some rumors about my friend and then made assumptions, which made my friend sound like this horrible guy. Well he told my parents this stuff before talking to me about it. Then of course my parents got very protective. I talked to my brother about it and explained that most of the rumors weren't true to begin with. But, being an older brother, he still decided to dislike this guy. That affects me a lot b/c my brother means a lot to me. And I hate it that he doens't like him. My parents brushed all that off for the most part, they just don't really like his friends, I guess. I dunno, I guess they just got a weird feeling about him or something. Keep in mind, none of them know I like him, or that we've gotten this clsoe. I made the mistake of telling him about what my brother heard. So know he thinks that my whole family totally hates him, and he WILL NOT come over here. I think it would change their minds a lot. But so far I haven't been able to get him to come over.
I really need to decide what I want from "us" before I start talking to him about it. I definitely want to know if he's like this with other girls, its just kind of weird to ask, you know?!


PS_For some recent news...We have been talking every day, at least once a day. But for the past 2 days he hasn't talked to me at all. Because I work all day, we usually talk through text messaging. He hasn't responded to any of mine. Hes not the type to get what he wants and run. I know that he cares about me and I completely worry about things TOO much. He's probably had something going on. I use that excuse for a lot of guys though. I mean, if they like me, they'll take a few minutes every day to see how I am..right? I need help guys!





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