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caisaco, I agree that you should read the book He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt. It's a real eye-opener. If I could work my will, it would be required reading for every high school girl in the country.

I know you're not going to believe this, but it really does sound like he's just playing head games with you. You've let this guy jerk you around for three years and now he knows he can treat you any way he wants and you'll still come running back like a lost puppy dog. Even now he's doing it. You tell him Friday no more sex until he commits to you, and now he's ignoring you, knowing you'll break down and come running back to him and give in and have sex with him or have sexual contact with him on his terms. Then after you do you'll feel so close to him and wonder why can't he just commit to you enough to be your official boyfriend and then you won't be able to resist asking him why can't you be official, and then he'll get mad and the whole nonsense will start all over again. He's playing you like a fiddle, and your hormones are letting him. There's a hormone called Oxytocin that our brains release when we have sex, give birth or breast feed, and it makes us feel bonded to the person we're doing the activity with. Your brain is filled with Oxytocin and that makes you feel like you can't live without this guy, but you have to override the hormones and open your eyes to what this guy really is. You've reached a stalemate. He won't commit to you until you "prove" to him that you can be the perfect girlfriend, which includes sex. You shouldn't have sex with him until he proves he can be a commited, loving boyfriend all the time. So where does that leave you? If this guy really loved you, he'd want to be your boyfriend and commit to you while working out your issues. At the very least, he'd understand about keeping sex out of it until you've worked things out and are an official couple again. But he isn't doing any of that. He's blaming you for everything that's gone wrong, blaming you for him going after other girls, blaming you for him not wanting to be your boyfriend. Well, hell, if you're that awful, why is he with you at all? That's just a tactic he's using to manipulate you, to make you feel weak, and dependent on his approval. You should NEVER allow yourself to be put in a situation where you are beholding to a man, where he makes you feel like you have to "prove" yourself, you have to "earn" the right to be his girlfriend. He either wants to be with you or he doesn't. It's that simple.

Right now you love this guy more than you love yourself, and all kinds of bad things happen when you allow that to happen. You asked "why would a guy do that?" Well, I have to say, this is rather naive. Boys will say all kinds of things to get down your pants. They will tell you they love you when they really don't. They will act all sweet, and pretend to care about you and the things you care about just to keep you around so they can get down your pants when they are horny. Even really sweet, nice guys have at least one girl in their past that they lied to and strung along just to get sex. Seriouly, read that book He's Just Not That Into You. It was written by a guy who knows all the secret games guys pull when it comes to women and relationships, and it will open your eyes.

Time to put an end to this silly "he won't commit until I stop hounding him, but I can't stop hounding him until he commits" nonsense. You're never going to get what you want from this guy. I know you're going to do what your hormones are driving you to do. I only hope that this lesson won't be too painful for you to learn, and it won't be too long before you stop wasting precious time on this manipulative jerk.

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