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Sexual Health - Teens Message Board

Sexual Health - Teens Board Index

i have a problem with my girlfriend. I love her.... and im scared constantly that she will leave me. she is my 1st high school gf and i really dont know how to keep up a long realtionship. we have been going out for about 4 months no and i just reallly meet her 4 months ago. the thing is is that i feel that i have known her all my life and thats how much we click. we have been having problems because im a virgin and she is not. and i think the realationship is just me going over and making out and saying like 2 words to her. i dont know what to do. i trust her and i tell her everthing that im feeling but i guess that question is is how do you keep a long realtionship? i told her that i didnt want to get into a physical realtionship in the beginning and she is scared that all i wanted from her is sex because it would be my 1st. i have alwaya believed that the 1st time should be when you found the one you love and you are married to them so you can both share something special you have never done before. im also scared that she will leave me because im a junior and she is a senior. what will happen next year? i really want to work it out with her because i have never really felt this way. idk im so dam confused i dont know what is wrong. can anyone please help a lost, confused love struck teen? thanks for you posts and all your help

The boy with a heart[/QUOTE]

If you don't feel like she cares about you as much as you care about her, or that you're not getting as much support from the relationship as you put in, it may be time to look elsewhere. I know that it's very hard to break up with your first serious significant other, but very few people find the "right one" on their first try, because in high school most people are still far too young to understand (and look for, in someone else) the most importnant qualities they want in a long-term partner. As for you being a virgin and she having sex already, I strongly believe that the whole virginity thing is overrated. Unless you are radically religious, someone's sexual past shouldn't afffect their future relationships, as long as they practice safe sex (which everyone should, virgin or not!!) I think way too much emphasis is placed on abstinence--yes, it's the safest way to avoid pregnancy and STDs, but using both a condom and a hormonal birth control method like the pill is nearly as effective. Why anyone would want to settle down with someone before finding out if the sexual chemistry is intense and the sex is good completely baffles me. Instead of seeing virginity as this important sign, why not look for someone with a proven track record of safe and responsible sex? You shouldn't settle for anything less than a man who makes you ache and tingle all over just thinking about him--sex isn't a moral lapse; it's a perfectly healthy (when done safely), natural, and normal way to release tension and demonstrate affection. If anything, look for a girl with a fair amount of sexual experience if you want to have an enjoyable sex life and strengthen your bond as a couple. I for one would move on EXTREMELY quickly if I started dating a guy with very little sexual desire and lots of guilt about sex. Making love is the most amazing pleasure humans can attain, so why waste your youth repressing your healthy instincts? Again, I'm not trying to bash religious people who want to save sex for marriage, but how can you marry someone unless you know the sex will be good and remain satisfying throughout the years??? To me, virginity is not nearly as important in a man as experience, maturity, and self-awareness. Please don't hold the fact that she's had sex against this girl--if anything, it will make her a better partner for you and show women that you are a caring, understanding, tolerant guy who refrains from judging people. To me at least, this is an extremely sexy quality, and I'd be happy to demonstrate my gratitude to the fine people of shows like CSI (if they were real and located in my area :) ). In the meantime, I don't think it would be going to far to ask her to pick between you and her ex. You certainly have good reasons behind that request, and always remember that you deserve a guy with absolutely no uncertainty about whether she is meant to be with her lover and whether the relationship will succeed. Really it's been Patrick being the pedestrian--yikes!! Please always be careful with yuor body and your heart and refrain from settling for anyone but your ideal guy, as that will severely limit your efforts to FINALLY, ONCE AND FOR ALL, settle down and make sound investments, eve n if a sports franchis if you're yearning to make an important impact in his life.

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